IS THAT WHAT I WANT?

Very often, my mind keep on roaming, is that what I really want? I don’t know. You can say I am not an eagerly looking upwards person, but sometimes I don’t really feel that I want to be the best among the best. In certain issue, yes, I might want to be the best among the best. But for certain issue, as long as I have satisfied with it, feel that I am sufficient with it, I am alright already. Don’t really think that I want to go up any further. Very often, I am very confused about it. Whether it is common for a person to request something in order to guarantee a better life or it is called materialistic? I have no idea. This is because I don’t really feel like want to satisfy things that other want me to do. I know they want to encourage me to be better, but sometimes that does not necessarily means that that is what I want. People understand me deep enough know that I am not the kind of like to be forced, even though it is for the betterment of myself. I prefer the way to be persuaded. By the way, I shouldn’t use the word force also since nobody is forcing me. Just that very often I feel like I am not good enough to certain people or do not meet their criteria. At the end of the story, I really don’t know whether it is alright for me to tolerate most of the time or I should just be back myself. I really don’t know.