Thursday, September 29, 2011
On the journey back to Butterworth, my tears keep on dropping. Tried my best to hold on it, but I can’t. The more I think of you, the more counts of tears I lost. Never before I thought you are so important, but since yesterday, spontaneous biological effects tell me so. If not, I wouldn’t keep on wetting my face for a non-family like you. At first, I thought that what I did before you leave is wrong. While on the bus, I believed that what I did to you is right. Rather than giving you a nice farewell and make you have heart feeling of leaving, why not let you “BEH SONG” me so that you can leave with a lighten heart. Let me be the one that suffer everything. Love is not about letting you to suffer together with me. It is about letting you happy and free from burden all the time. I am willing to go through this hard time alone, even though it will mean double hardship without sharing it. All the best to you…
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Very regret of what I have done. Thought of giving u a surprise; that is why I tried to act cool and tried not to concern about you. Thought of giving you a surprise at the final minutes, the final moment before you fly. But these do not materialized. We have the wrong timing. I failed to see you for the last time. I also missed the chance to take personal picture with you during your convocation. All these are due to my fault. Quite regret of what I have done. Shouldn’t I treat you better, let you depart with an open heart? I really don’t know whether what I had done these while are right or wrong. I felt that I had already gone against the will of God. Overcome all obstacles and trying to make a non-feeling person to a feeling person. Should I do it again? Should I believe in destiny, the arrangement of God that does not let us meet together or should I still keep on with the hope? Consider it as a challenge from God and not a fate fixed by God? I really don’t know. Perhaps you can let me know the conclusion.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Very often, my mind keep on roaming, is that what I really want? I don’t know. You can say I am not an eagerly looking upwards person, but sometimes I don’t really feel that I want to be the best among the best. In certain issue, yes, I might want to be the best among the best. But for certain issue, as long as I have satisfied with it, feel that I am sufficient with it, I am alright already. Don’t really think that I want to go up any further. Very often, I am very confused about it. Whether it is common for a person to request something in order to guarantee a better life or it is called materialistic? I have no idea. This is because I don’t really feel like want to satisfy things that other want me to do. I know they want to encourage me to be better, but sometimes that does not necessarily means that that is what I want. People understand me deep enough know that I am not the kind of like to be forced, even though it is for the betterment of myself. I prefer the way to be persuaded. By the way, I shouldn’t use the word force also since nobody is forcing me. Just that very often I feel like I am not good enough to certain people or do not meet their criteria. At the end of the story, I really don’t know whether it is alright for me to tolerate most of the time or I should just be back myself. I really don’t know.