Thursday, June 9, 2011


Going to blog in mixed language this time without checking my grammar and spelling etc. Went to Genting two days ago. 2 things happened that make me feel sebak. first is about her. I may have make her angry. infringe her privacy. from what I get from my other friend, not everybody likes it. and not everybody is ok with that kind of jokes when it comes to academic results. On the way to First World Hotel, eyes are getting wet. Very seldom this happened. I only cried for 3 times if I am not mistaken. First was during my aunt's funeral. Second was the time when we talked to her spirit. She still can recognised me. Make me feel so touched. She is so real. Knows about everything. Third time was during my birthday. Maybe last year or 2 years ago birthday, when my whole family celebrated a early birthday for me. Not a grand one, just buy a birthday cake and sang a song for me. Just like what we did when we were young. Never had that kind of birthday celebration with full family members since Form Four. That might be the last time as well. Not sure about the fourth time. Cant remember whether my failure to get a tutorship or some rewards during my master degree counted as fourth time. Back to First World Hotel, thank God that my parents didnt realise about it. During the one night stay there, I lost quite a lot there. Going back to the room and get my bag before proceeding to the bus station, my parents gave me two hundreds. Not wanting the money at first. My principle is, for gambling matter, if you win, spend it like you like; if you lost, shouldn't get or reclaim from anyone even though they win it. I already came out of the room, but my mum rushed to the door, reopened the door and dragged me in. They forcefully asked me to take the money. Felt really touched by it that time. Not about the amount of it, but is about the feeling of it. Came out of the room and felt sebak. Eyes were getting wet again while on the way to the bus station. On the way, suddenly my mind tells me, my parents care about me, they love me, they will do everything for the good of me. They are even willing to sacrifice everything for me. Past incidents came into the mind as well. Am thinking about a question, should I continue to sacrifice for a person that don't really know how to appreciate or I should accept a person who am willing to sacrifice together? But one thing no doubt, family always comes first. Don't ask me whether you (friends, girlfriend or wife) or my family matters the most. My answer will definitely hurts you.

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