REGRET

Very regret of what I have done. Thought of giving u a surprise; that is why I tried to act cool and tried not to concern about you. Thought of giving you a surprise at the final minutes, the final moment before you fly. But these do not materialized. We have the wrong timing. I failed to see you for the last time. I also missed the chance to take personal picture with you during your convocation. All these are due to my fault. Quite regret of what I have done. Shouldn’t I treat you better, let you depart with an open heart? I really don’t know whether what I had done these while are right or wrong. I felt that I had already gone against the will of God. Overcome all obstacles and trying to make a non-feeling person to a feeling person. Should I do it again? Should I believe in destiny, the arrangement of God that does not let us meet together or should I still keep on with the hope? Consider it as a challenge from God and not a fate fixed by God? I really don’t know. Perhaps you can let me know the conclusion.

MULTI-TASKING

Currently, I am learning how to multi-task a few things at the same time. Huhu… Challenging.

IS THAT WHAT I WANT?

Very often, my mind keep on roaming, is that what I really want? I don’t know. You can say I am not an eagerly looking upwards person, but sometimes I don’t really feel that I want to be the best among the best. In certain issue, yes, I might want to be the best among the best. But for certain issue, as long as I have satisfied with it, feel that I am sufficient with it, I am alright already. Don’t really think that I want to go up any further. Very often, I am very confused about it. Whether it is common for a person to request something in order to guarantee a better life or it is called materialistic? I have no idea. This is because I don’t really feel like want to satisfy things that other want me to do. I know they want to encourage me to be better, but sometimes that does not necessarily means that that is what I want. People understand me deep enough know that I am not the kind of like to be forced, even though it is for the betterment of myself. I prefer the way to be persuaded. By the way, I shouldn’t use the word force also since nobody is forcing me. Just that very often I feel like I am not good enough to certain people or do not meet their criteria. At the end of the story, I really don’t know whether it is alright for me to tolerate most of the time or I should just be back myself. I really don’t know.

GOING TO START CLASSES

Two more days, I will start my lecture. Not sure how is the students doing, hope everything will be fine. Hope that I can take this chance to self-improve will lecturing the students there.

IN MY SECOND WORKING WEEK

This is my second week working in Han Chiang College. Even though I haven’t started to lecture yet, but still quite busy in preparing the notes. I have to start everything from the beginning. At the same time, need to do my master thesis as well. Huhu…

GOING TO WORK SOON

Six more days to go. After that, I will enter working world. Not as a part-timer anymore. It is a real job. Hope everything will go on smoothly.

CONSOCIATIONALISM IN MALAYSIA

My intention actually is not to prove that consociationalism does exist ideally as in Malaysia after 1969 riots. It is more to proving of the existence of the spirit of consociationalism. Before that, writers such as Lijphart, McGarry and Leary may agree that Malaysia did practice consociationalism upon independence. However, since the 1969 riots, Malaysia’s politics tends to be one-sided, moving towards dominance since Tun Razak wanted to gain back Malay support. I do agree with that. But since 1999 until 2008, we can see how BA performed well in 1999 GE due to the cooperation between DAP-PAS (including PKN but PKN should be the issue since it is moving towards a multi-racial memberships). Some may argue about the rising of reformation. But in 2004 itself, when DAP and PAS stand within itself, we can see that DAP is hardly gain Malay support and the same goes to PAS. Plus both of them do not take the stance of supporting each other. It is kind of hard for the two parties to say that they are the representative the general public as they are viewed more as a race-based party. When it comes to 2008, especially for non-Malay community, the reason for their lost is lacking of voice within the coalition (eg, UMNO is too arrogant, MCA, MIC and Gerakan leaders are too weak in protecting their own community etc). This has resulted a major lost to those non-Malay parties. But for UMNO itself, its achievement is not that deadly bad compared to 2004 GE. Eg, in Penang DUN, UMNO is just lacking of around 3 seats (if I am not mistaken) compared to their 2004 elections. BN main lost is due to the failure of these component parties to find a balance within the coalition. The same goes to PR because in Malaysia politics, finding a balance point that can be accepted by all the races of the society is not easy. Therefore, to continually gaining support from all the races, a formula that can fulfill it is consociationalism. Even though both BN and PR don’t seem to be fully fitted into the theory, but its political actions and directions do show that they are following the spirit of consociationalism.

Personally for me, grand coalition shouldn’t be a big problem within the practice is moving towards a coalition or alliances as long as the political parties managed to show that they can physically (in terms of different races membership) and practically represent a wholesome society. Because even in Holland itself, the coalition government is not the same for every GE. Plus the membership and working alliance/coalition is the same for BN before 1969 riot. So if BN (and now including PR) can be considered as practicing consociational democracy before 1969, why not now, looking at the principle aspect of combining different race-based political parties into a coalition party.

Secondly, I do agree that there isn’t such thing as absolute veto power in Malaysia. If that is true, meaning the legal aspect of veto power shouldn’t exist if we considered Malaysia as a consociational democracy before 1969 as what Lijphart had put forward. However, in terms of practical political actions, we can see how DAP and PAS are not allowed to implement policy that is going against another party policy, eg Islamic State. In this case, we can consider it as a kind of veto power in practice. Plus as we had discussed above, one of the reason of MCA, MIC and Gerakan loss is due to the arrogance of UMNO. This means that over-dominance caused the loss. If veto power does exist within BN, it means that the problem of over-dominance shouldn’t exist as another party can check on the bigger party. I believe this can show the importance of veto power in a multi-racial society in Malaysia.

Thirdly regarding minority authority, it can be linked back to the second ideal of veto power. The same goes to the fourth element of proportionality which is linked back to the grand coalition ideas. Malaysia doesn’t seem to have any major changes in terms of legal aspect as even before 1969, Malaysia did practise Perkara 152, 153 etc. The selection of candidates is plus minus the same as in 1969.

The biggest change is the practicality side of BN political policy (since PR doesn’t exist yet). UMNO seems to be more dominant after 1969 riots, MCA (considered as Chinese society) political power has been reduced (losing of Finance Ministry etc), lacking of an opposition front that can challenge BN in terms of their wholesome racial composition etc. However, 1999-2008 GE has shown the differences of opposition bench and how it affects BN especially their smaller component parties. This means that if we agree with Lijphart stance that Malaysia is a consociational democracy before 1969 riots (if Lijphart stance is not agreed upon, then it will be another debate on consociationalism in Malaysia), then what we need to prove is that whether Malaysia’s consociationalism after 2008 GE can follow the spirit of consociationalism before 1969 riot since Lijphart denied it after 1969 riot. If the importance of consociationalism in Malaysia politics can be proven, meaning Malaysia is moving towards the practice of consociationalism even though is not stated black and white.

HOPE FOR SUPRISES

I know it is hard to make it happen, but I wish it may come true.

FAMILY MATTERS THE MOST

Going to blog in mixed language this time without checking my grammar and spelling etc. Went to Genting two days ago. 2 things happened that make me feel sebak. first is about her. I may have make her angry. infringe her privacy. from what I get from my other friend, not everybody likes it. and not everybody is ok with that kind of jokes when it comes to academic results. On the way to First World Hotel, eyes are getting wet. Very seldom this happened. I only cried for 3 times if I am not mistaken. First was during my aunt's funeral. Second was the time when we talked to her spirit. She still can recognised me. Make me feel so touched. She is so real. Knows about everything. Third time was during my birthday. Maybe last year or 2 years ago birthday, when my whole family celebrated a early birthday for me. Not a grand one, just buy a birthday cake and sang a song for me. Just like what we did when we were young. Never had that kind of birthday celebration with full family members since Form Four. That might be the last time as well. Not sure about the fourth time. Cant remember whether my failure to get a tutorship or some rewards during my master degree counted as fourth time. Back to First World Hotel, thank God that my parents didnt realise about it. During the one night stay there, I lost quite a lot there. Going back to the room and get my bag before proceeding to the bus station, my parents gave me two hundreds. Not wanting the money at first. My principle is, for gambling matter, if you win, spend it like you like; if you lost, shouldn't get or reclaim from anyone even though they win it. I already came out of the room, but my mum rushed to the door, reopened the door and dragged me in. They forcefully asked me to take the money. Felt really touched by it that time. Not about the amount of it, but is about the feeling of it. Came out of the room and felt sebak. Eyes were getting wet again while on the way to the bus station. On the way, suddenly my mind tells me, my parents care about me, they love me, they will do everything for the good of me. They are even willing to sacrifice everything for me. Past incidents came into the mind as well. Am thinking about a question, should I continue to sacrifice for a person that don't really know how to appreciate or I should accept a person who am willing to sacrifice together? But one thing no doubt, family always comes first. Don't ask me whether you (friends, girlfriend or wife) or my family matters the most. My answer will definitely hurts you.

EXAM RESULT

At last, I have finished all my subjects already. No need to take any exams anymore, at least not for master degree. Quite satisfy with the result. Now I am waiting for my thesis to be completed. Then, I can be officially declared as a master holder. Yippee…